Exnay on the Upidstay...

Forget it.
I don't care enough.
I want to become a perfumist.
Work with essential oils.
Creat scents.
Ones that would make you cry.
Make you remember.
Make you forget.
Make you into something else.
I think I can do that.
I want to do that, I will do that.
Just watch.

It's decided.

I am going to try to be the new Perez Hilton, BUT not for the "stars" but for the REAL STARS. My friends. So watch your back I am on the loose. I am armed with a camera and Paint. I will be brutal, yet funny. I am bored. This will keep me busy for the next few weeks til I get home. Much love.... and hate. More to come after I creep on peoples MySpace profiles. Later crocodiles!

Impossible

I had no idea I could cry so much. I have heard people say that they cried so much they had no tears left. I think I have an unlimited amount of tears because I haven't stopped yet. I don't even know why I cry sometimes. And it feels good. To just let go. You feel 20 lbs. lighter after a good cry. I am crying right now and writing this all down is making my cry harder. I have no one to bitch too or cry on, so it looks like its going to be a blog. Someday I'll write a better blog. A happy one. But I haven't been truly happy in a long time. My tears are collecting in little puddles on my collar bone as I sit here. I just wish that for once I could understand why this is happening and when it'll get better.I miss love. I'm done for now...

Major Venting

So today I am finally realizing that everything I try to do right, always ends up wrong.

Why can't things just.. work out? Why do I have to take the long way around?

This is my first major life fuck up and I am having a hard time cleaning up after it. I never realized how one tiny action can result into a million huge dilemmas!

Why couldn't someone have just said once that "life is fair"? I'm sick of hearing, "Well, no one said life is fair." I get it... it sucks.
Suck it up.
Fuck it!!!!!

I am here to save myself. I didn't even want to. Everyone else wanted me to, they did it. So I said fine, I'll be fair and join you. Know what? I am the only one sticking to it!! Thanks a lot! I could have a good room in a great place with a damn good job that paid well... but no.
Now I am stuck in Utah, with a shitty job that pays less than shit. No one to talk to or hang out with except my family who I appreciate but start to get on my nerves after 2 hours. I still have no car... no liscence... and I am living with my mother again and we are about to slit eachothers throats!!!

Life is fucking wonderful.

I know whats going to happen. I am going to have to get my shit in SC and throw it in storage or give it away, and officially move to Utah. I am going to stay here til Dec. when Rachel, my mom and I leave for uruguay. Working my shitty little job that my grandpa has to drive me to. Then we'll go to Uruguay. Have a blast ( I hope ) and when I come back I will have to figure out what I am going to do next. It's a vicious circle and I want out.

I don't have a Plan B to fall back on because I don't think I even have a Plan A!!!!

I am sick and tired of feeling stuck. Ever since I lost my liscence I have felt stuck and out of control.

Alright, I cannot take anymore of this. The more I type the more furiated I become.

Thats all for now.

To be continued....