MUSICA!

I want....

... for christmas:

1. A time machine.

2. A car.

3. An iPhone or touch iPod.

4. A bf.

5. New Clothes.

6. A cord for my digi.

7. A good job.

8. Money for school.

9. True friends.

10. A happy holiday and a great new year with friends and family.

That's it for now. I know one of them doesn't exist and the others most likly won't happen...But a girl can dream.

Exnay on the Upidstay...

Forget it.
I don't care enough.
I want to become a perfumist.
Work with essential oils.
Creat scents.
Ones that would make you cry.
Make you remember.
Make you forget.
Make you into something else.
I think I can do that.
I want to do that, I will do that.
Just watch.

It's decided.

I am going to try to be the new Perez Hilton, BUT not for the "stars" but for the REAL STARS. My friends. So watch your back I am on the loose. I am armed with a camera and Paint. I will be brutal, yet funny. I am bored. This will keep me busy for the next few weeks til I get home. Much love.... and hate. More to come after I creep on peoples MySpace profiles. Later crocodiles!

Impossible

I had no idea I could cry so much. I have heard people say that they cried so much they had no tears left. I think I have an unlimited amount of tears because I haven't stopped yet. I don't even know why I cry sometimes. And it feels good. To just let go. You feel 20 lbs. lighter after a good cry. I am crying right now and writing this all down is making my cry harder. I have no one to bitch too or cry on, so it looks like its going to be a blog. Someday I'll write a better blog. A happy one. But I haven't been truly happy in a long time. My tears are collecting in little puddles on my collar bone as I sit here. I just wish that for once I could understand why this is happening and when it'll get better.I miss love. I'm done for now...

Major Venting

So today I am finally realizing that everything I try to do right, always ends up wrong.

Why can't things just.. work out? Why do I have to take the long way around?

This is my first major life fuck up and I am having a hard time cleaning up after it. I never realized how one tiny action can result into a million huge dilemmas!

Why couldn't someone have just said once that "life is fair"? I'm sick of hearing, "Well, no one said life is fair." I get it... it sucks.
Suck it up.
Fuck it!!!!!

I am here to save myself. I didn't even want to. Everyone else wanted me to, they did it. So I said fine, I'll be fair and join you. Know what? I am the only one sticking to it!! Thanks a lot! I could have a good room in a great place with a damn good job that paid well... but no.
Now I am stuck in Utah, with a shitty job that pays less than shit. No one to talk to or hang out with except my family who I appreciate but start to get on my nerves after 2 hours. I still have no car... no liscence... and I am living with my mother again and we are about to slit eachothers throats!!!

Life is fucking wonderful.

I know whats going to happen. I am going to have to get my shit in SC and throw it in storage or give it away, and officially move to Utah. I am going to stay here til Dec. when Rachel, my mom and I leave for uruguay. Working my shitty little job that my grandpa has to drive me to. Then we'll go to Uruguay. Have a blast ( I hope ) and when I come back I will have to figure out what I am going to do next. It's a vicious circle and I want out.

I don't have a Plan B to fall back on because I don't think I even have a Plan A!!!!

I am sick and tired of feeling stuck. Ever since I lost my liscence I have felt stuck and out of control.

Alright, I cannot take anymore of this. The more I type the more furiated I become.

Thats all for now.

To be continued....

To everyone...

Recently inspired by a friends blog I have decided to write a formal apology, so to speak.

Here goes...

I want to say sorry to all of those I hurt, scammed, lied to, belittled, mistrusted. I know see that I was a completely different person for about 6 months. Some of it was because I was in a different situation which can change a person without them knowing. The other part was all my doing. My carelessness. I don't know how many times I have said " I DON'T CARE." in my life. Thousands I'm sure. And it hurts to know that I can just say that and mean it. I didn't care about my job, I didn't care if one of my friends was going through some personal stuff while I kept on ruining my life. The whole while saying "Fuck it, I don't feel like stopping so I won't." How could I become such a heartless bitch. I'm not trying to sound conceded here, but I was always the caring one. Always willing to lend a hand to a drunkard at a party, a sad friend who needed a shoulder, an ear when someone wanted to talk; never asking for anything in return. I loved it, I loved to help. It made me feel so good. And when I stopped caring.. that's when it all went down hill. I was careless with people around me. I was slowly ruining my friendships... making new short term ones just to fill the void, all the while knowing they would be gone as soon as I was broke. It feels great to let this out. I am so sorry to you out there who tried to get me back. Who tried to stop me, but let me have my space because you knew I was going to do what I wanted to do. I am very selfish in that way and it kills me. All I want to do now is give back 10 fold. I want to compensate for all the bad I've done. I want to be that girl at the party people are asking to dance with or for me to start a game or tell a funny story. I had become the girl who sits in the corner, smoking her cigarette while watching everyone else and then leaving. SHITTY SHITTY SHIT I TELL YOU! Now I'm getting angry. First remorse..then anger..then next I'm sure is tears. I think I have let out 5 big sighs while writing this. And I hope if you're reading this and know someone who hasn't read it but needs to, please send them the link. I want to apologize to every single person who I have come across in the past 6 months. I love you all so much and you were all there for me once and I hope you will be there for me again, even though I probably don't deserve it, I want it. I want to be me again. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. When I come back you bet your bottom dollar that I'll be BANGIN! ha ha... I just feel so much better already and I really would love to do this personally with each and everyone of you that reads this so please send me an email (laurenpitts@gmail.com) or message me myspace styli to let me know you read it. When I get back I will call you up and meet you anywhere to have a face to face heart to heart with no lies, no excuses... just plain old Lauren in your face. (in a good way)

So once again... please forgive me for what I've done, I can only hope now.
Thank you.

Love,
Lauren