To everyone...

Recently inspired by a friends blog I have decided to write a formal apology, so to speak.

Here goes...

I want to say sorry to all of those I hurt, scammed, lied to, belittled, mistrusted. I know see that I was a completely different person for about 6 months. Some of it was because I was in a different situation which can change a person without them knowing. The other part was all my doing. My carelessness. I don't know how many times I have said " I DON'T CARE." in my life. Thousands I'm sure. And it hurts to know that I can just say that and mean it. I didn't care about my job, I didn't care if one of my friends was going through some personal stuff while I kept on ruining my life. The whole while saying "Fuck it, I don't feel like stopping so I won't." How could I become such a heartless bitch. I'm not trying to sound conceded here, but I was always the caring one. Always willing to lend a hand to a drunkard at a party, a sad friend who needed a shoulder, an ear when someone wanted to talk; never asking for anything in return. I loved it, I loved to help. It made me feel so good. And when I stopped caring.. that's when it all went down hill. I was careless with people around me. I was slowly ruining my friendships... making new short term ones just to fill the void, all the while knowing they would be gone as soon as I was broke. It feels great to let this out. I am so sorry to you out there who tried to get me back. Who tried to stop me, but let me have my space because you knew I was going to do what I wanted to do. I am very selfish in that way and it kills me. All I want to do now is give back 10 fold. I want to compensate for all the bad I've done. I want to be that girl at the party people are asking to dance with or for me to start a game or tell a funny story. I had become the girl who sits in the corner, smoking her cigarette while watching everyone else and then leaving. SHITTY SHITTY SHIT I TELL YOU! Now I'm getting angry. First remorse..then anger..then next I'm sure is tears. I think I have let out 5 big sighs while writing this. And I hope if you're reading this and know someone who hasn't read it but needs to, please send them the link. I want to apologize to every single person who I have come across in the past 6 months. I love you all so much and you were all there for me once and I hope you will be there for me again, even though I probably don't deserve it, I want it. I want to be me again. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. When I come back you bet your bottom dollar that I'll be BANGIN! ha ha... I just feel so much better already and I really would love to do this personally with each and everyone of you that reads this so please send me an email (laurenpitts@gmail.com) or message me myspace styli to let me know you read it. When I get back I will call you up and meet you anywhere to have a face to face heart to heart with no lies, no excuses... just plain old Lauren in your face. (in a good way)

So once again... please forgive me for what I've done, I can only hope now.
Thank you.

Love,
Lauren