I want....

... for christmas:

1. A time machine.

2. A car.

3. An iPhone or touch iPod.

4. A bf.

5. New Clothes.

6. A cord for my digi.

7. A good job.

8. Money for school.

9. True friends.

10. A happy holiday and a great new year with friends and family.

That's it for now. I know one of them doesn't exist and the others most likly won't happen...But a girl can dream.

Exnay on the Upidstay...

Forget it.
I don't care enough.
I want to become a perfumist.
Work with essential oils.
Creat scents.
Ones that would make you cry.
Make you remember.
Make you forget.
Make you into something else.
I think I can do that.
I want to do that, I will do that.
Just watch.

It's decided.

I am going to try to be the new Perez Hilton, BUT not for the "stars" but for the REAL STARS. My friends. So watch your back I am on the loose. I am armed with a camera and Paint. I will be brutal, yet funny. I am bored. This will keep me busy for the next few weeks til I get home. Much love.... and hate. More to come after I creep on peoples MySpace profiles. Later crocodiles!

Impossible

I had no idea I could cry so much. I have heard people say that they cried so much they had no tears left. I think I have an unlimited amount of tears because I haven't stopped yet. I don't even know why I cry sometimes. And it feels good. To just let go. You feel 20 lbs. lighter after a good cry. I am crying right now and writing this all down is making my cry harder. I have no one to bitch too or cry on, so it looks like its going to be a blog. Someday I'll write a better blog. A happy one. But I haven't been truly happy in a long time. My tears are collecting in little puddles on my collar bone as I sit here. I just wish that for once I could understand why this is happening and when it'll get better.I miss love. I'm done for now...

Major Venting

So today I am finally realizing that everything I try to do right, always ends up wrong.

Why can't things just.. work out? Why do I have to take the long way around?

This is my first major life fuck up and I am having a hard time cleaning up after it. I never realized how one tiny action can result into a million huge dilemmas!

Why couldn't someone have just said once that "life is fair"? I'm sick of hearing, "Well, no one said life is fair." I get it... it sucks.
Suck it up.
Fuck it!!!!!

I am here to save myself. I didn't even want to. Everyone else wanted me to, they did it. So I said fine, I'll be fair and join you. Know what? I am the only one sticking to it!! Thanks a lot! I could have a good room in a great place with a damn good job that paid well... but no.
Now I am stuck in Utah, with a shitty job that pays less than shit. No one to talk to or hang out with except my family who I appreciate but start to get on my nerves after 2 hours. I still have no car... no liscence... and I am living with my mother again and we are about to slit eachothers throats!!!

Life is fucking wonderful.

I know whats going to happen. I am going to have to get my shit in SC and throw it in storage or give it away, and officially move to Utah. I am going to stay here til Dec. when Rachel, my mom and I leave for uruguay. Working my shitty little job that my grandpa has to drive me to. Then we'll go to Uruguay. Have a blast ( I hope ) and when I come back I will have to figure out what I am going to do next. It's a vicious circle and I want out.

I don't have a Plan B to fall back on because I don't think I even have a Plan A!!!!

I am sick and tired of feeling stuck. Ever since I lost my liscence I have felt stuck and out of control.

Alright, I cannot take anymore of this. The more I type the more furiated I become.

Thats all for now.

To be continued....

To everyone...

Recently inspired by a friends blog I have decided to write a formal apology, so to speak.

Here goes...

I want to say sorry to all of those I hurt, scammed, lied to, belittled, mistrusted. I know see that I was a completely different person for about 6 months. Some of it was because I was in a different situation which can change a person without them knowing. The other part was all my doing. My carelessness. I don't know how many times I have said " I DON'T CARE." in my life. Thousands I'm sure. And it hurts to know that I can just say that and mean it. I didn't care about my job, I didn't care if one of my friends was going through some personal stuff while I kept on ruining my life. The whole while saying "Fuck it, I don't feel like stopping so I won't." How could I become such a heartless bitch. I'm not trying to sound conceded here, but I was always the caring one. Always willing to lend a hand to a drunkard at a party, a sad friend who needed a shoulder, an ear when someone wanted to talk; never asking for anything in return. I loved it, I loved to help. It made me feel so good. And when I stopped caring.. that's when it all went down hill. I was careless with people around me. I was slowly ruining my friendships... making new short term ones just to fill the void, all the while knowing they would be gone as soon as I was broke. It feels great to let this out. I am so sorry to you out there who tried to get me back. Who tried to stop me, but let me have my space because you knew I was going to do what I wanted to do. I am very selfish in that way and it kills me. All I want to do now is give back 10 fold. I want to compensate for all the bad I've done. I want to be that girl at the party people are asking to dance with or for me to start a game or tell a funny story. I had become the girl who sits in the corner, smoking her cigarette while watching everyone else and then leaving. SHITTY SHITTY SHIT I TELL YOU! Now I'm getting angry. First remorse..then anger..then next I'm sure is tears. I think I have let out 5 big sighs while writing this. And I hope if you're reading this and know someone who hasn't read it but needs to, please send them the link. I want to apologize to every single person who I have come across in the past 6 months. I love you all so much and you were all there for me once and I hope you will be there for me again, even though I probably don't deserve it, I want it. I want to be me again. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. When I come back you bet your bottom dollar that I'll be BANGIN! ha ha... I just feel so much better already and I really would love to do this personally with each and everyone of you that reads this so please send me an email (laurenpitts@gmail.com) or message me myspace styli to let me know you read it. When I get back I will call you up and meet you anywhere to have a face to face heart to heart with no lies, no excuses... just plain old Lauren in your face. (in a good way)

So once again... please forgive me for what I've done, I can only hope now.
Thank you.

Love,
Lauren

SO FUCKING LAME.

Seriously. Kill me please.

Scared

I miss Rachel. I wish she would have told me. Come back to me.

I love you.

I feel so damn alone in this world.

So It Happened Again...

Me and Stanley broke up. He says he cannot offer me the same affection and love and attention as I was able to offer him. Makes sense. Except for the part where I loved him a lot and he didn't love me as much. You know how much that hurts to hear? That you put in 101% to get dumped because he doesn't have 101% in him! It hurt real real real bad. I'm glad I have this stupid blog to vent on. I can't even talk to my best friend because she sent herself away. I don't even know what's going on. I'm kept in the dark about everything. Jesus hella Christ. That is what the H stands for right? Anyway. I want some fucking pizza but the damn place closed at 11. So I guess I'm SOL. No, not the sun in spanish. Goodnight Fuckers and Fuckresses.

Boredom Strikes Again

It's just what I do when I'm on an Apple.
Now I want an apple.
Apple Pie.
Oreo pie crust.
I love it.
No one even reads my blog anyway.

Strange

I was walking up a really really steep hill with stilettos and theres a bridge/ railroad to the side and its high above a rough ocean. I am having trouble walking up the hill, I end up on the railroad and I'm trying to switch into my flats so I can walk across the bridge. I am still having trouble and so Valarie ( a 5 foot 80 lb. woman i work with) comes to save me and she almost loses her balance and her glasses flew off into the water. My friend Candace is there as well. Valarie is impressed by how well I can balance in my high heels as I change into my other shoes. Then I'm swimming in a pool with my friend and shes in her clothes. I ask her if her boyfriend is making her do that. She says " Yes. He thinks I'm to sexy in a bathing suit. It's not that bad." We then compare abs. She wins. I wake up sad.

Happy Street Patrick's Day!

Oh.. St stands for saint? weird.

I'm wearing green so you can't pinch me bitches.

Tonight is going to be raging!

Car bombs and all that shit.

I need more pictures.

And more interesting blogs.

Die Diet Die

I feel full. I ate brefas and ate to much. Delicioso.

It's sunny, my moms in town, I have an awesome dude to hang out with... but I gotta go to work. BOORRING!

Moving on. I think my roommates intentionally try to annoy me. Oh well. I'll get over it.

That's all I can think of for now. Back to myspace.

HOSTILE TAKEOVVER!!!111

it's a coop de taat!!!!

terror 4ev0r!!!



EYE HEART UNIVCORNS?????????

Party

Wasn't all it was supposed to be. People were being weird. And girls were being bitches. And there were lots of drugs. LOTS. I don't know what happened. I'm sick of drama. Everyone needs to understand that they don't have to "be my bitch" if they don't want to. Whatever that means. So if you are going to be rude, impatient, temperamental and treat me like shit; just know that I will not stand for it. I deserve better than for my "friend" to play me like that. So fuck you..all.

Stoked

In April I get to do a shoot for suicide girls. I'm pretty stoked. Thats all.

My blog has been created!

U R A 10.... those little candy hearts from valentines day can say so much with such little writing. I think they were using abbr. way before texting. Ur a QT. Luv U. B mine. Then they had those creepy ones like marry me, page me ( cause pagers were all the rage in the 90's) , fax me, and last but not least LUVN U. The best.

I love el jesus. Hes amazing and MAGIC.

This blog thing is new to me sooooo... Just expect pictures of my life and what not.